Desolation of Smaug

[phyloxena]

Дети хотели пойти, потому что дети. Я хотела пойти, потому что Хоббит. Стас идти не хотел, потому что он не ребенок и не хоббит, и поэтому мы пошли без него. Ну что, отличное кино! А дело было так...

So, J.R.R.Martin and Terry Pratchett wrote this huge Hobbit fanfic. They destroyed every bit of humor in the plot or dialog, and added heaps of epos. They borrowed important orks from the Avatar and the rest of them from WWZ. Malfoy the elven king was every bit as perverted as dwarves supposed to think the elves were. Legolas the archer actually belonged in the story. Tauriel the MarySue ok. Sauron the human patronus/fractal cat's eye was great. Steven Fry the mayor used his voice!
And when Morpheus Turin reached the Zion! And restarted the reactor with dragon fire!